What is normal life?
by dutchie1
Summary: The pretty little liars are finally free from A's torture. Now they have to deal with normal teenage life. They're almost in their twenties but not ready for normal life. The first few chapters will be about Emily and how she deals with her sexuality.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys, I know I haven't finished my other story yet, but I am busy writing the next chapter. I just _had_ to start writing this story. There's a lot going on in my life and I had to get if off my chest, and this is a great way to do so. I hope you'll enjoy! **

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**Chapter 1**

It was a beautiful day in Rosewood. Emily Fields was at a barbecue organized by her cousins. The barbecue, and thus drinking, had started at noon. It was now 3 pm and she was drunk. She had gone for a run that morning and came to the barbecue without having eaten anything. Nonetheless, she didn't refuse the mojito she was offered when she arrived. Even though she only had 3 or 4 mojitos since, she had not felt this drunk in a while. The drinks were quite strong, and this in combination with an almost empty stomach wasn't working out for her. She left the buzzing epicenter of the party and went to a calmer area of the garden, not noticing someone was following her. She sat down on a swing chair. Everything around her was turning and the only way she didn't feel nauseous was by looking at her feet. _Why did I let it come this far_ , she thought to herself. She hated this feeling and was scared of being sick.

'Hey, are you okay?' she heard a familiar voice behind her. She looked up, but immediately felt the nausea coming back and had to look down again. 'I'm.. I'm okay, sorry I need to look at my feet or I'll be sick' she said. Noah sat down next to her and tried to comfort her by softly stroking her back. 'You'll be okay, just try and breathe in and out slowly' he said. Emily had known Noah for ages; he was the best friend of her cousin Jake. She knew he liked her, but he was too shy to take the first step. They sat like that for a while, until Emily had sobered up a bit and could take her eyes of her feet. 'Thanks for sitting with me', she looked him in the eyes. 'It was my pleasure' he smiled at her, and pulled her closer. Emily didn't really resist, as she was still very tipsy. 'So you think I'm the most handsome guy at this party?' Noah asked after a while. Emily chuckled, 'it's just a game Noah, but yeah you're a good looking guy'. They had played a drinking game before, and Emily had to give out 4 sips to the most handsome guy at the party. She had chosen Noah, as it would've been weird to choose one of her cousins, and she didn't really know the other guys. 'Mmm sure' Noah winked at her. She had never seen him this courageous, it was probably the alcohol that made him braver than he'd ever been with Emily. He had even put his arm around her. Emily gave him a shy smile and before she knew it his lips were on hers. Although she didn't really mind him kissing her, she didn't really enjoy it either. She had been confused about her sexuality for quite a while, and was worried that she'd never find out whether she liked boys, girls or both. After the kiss ended, they awkwardly sat at the swing chair for a while. 'Shall we go back to the others?' Emily asked after a few minutes, 'I feel a lot better now'. 'Erm, yeah, sure' Noah, while standing up.

Back at the party Emily and Noah went their own separate ways. Emily was hungry and sat down at the picnic table to eat. After a few minutes her cousin Lauren joined her. 'I saw you coming back with Noah, did something happen?' she asked with a smirk on her face. Emily felt her face reddening and looked down at her plate. 'OMG Em! Tell me! How far did…' 'Sssh! Lauren! Not everyone has to know! We just kissed, okay' Emily looked around to make sure no one had heard them. 'Mm just kissed huh? I bet you'll do much more than kissing before the end of this party!' Lauren teased her. 'What? No! I don't like him like that' Emily said, Lauren made her feel uncomfortable. She was so open about this kind of stuff and she had so much experience, it made her feel like a 12 year old. 'Ah come on Em, I know you think he's good looking, and he hasn't kept his eyes off of you ever since he arrived. He likes you. Just give it a chance, be spontaneous, have a bit of fun' she tried to convince her cousin. Emily was a pretty girl, hell she was probably the most beautiful girl Lauren had ever seen, but she had to come out of her shell. Lauren knew Emily and her friends had had a hard time being stalked and abused by a psycho, but that was over now and Emily deserved to have a good time. She was almost 20 now and her teenage years had been horrible due to A. It was time for a change. 'Come on Em. You can stay in the cabin tonight. Just give it a go' Lauren smiled at her cousin, who knew that she meant good. 'Erm, yeah okay, I'll see where it goes' Emily said, still not sure whether she wanted to do anything with Noah. 'Good girl! I'll make sure it will work out, don't worry about it!' Lauren didn't know about Emily's doubts about her sexuality. No one really knew, except for her best friends. 'Oh, okay, erm, thanks Lauren' Emily gave her cousin a weak smile, she didn't have a good feeling about this…


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi all, just a heads up; this chapter deals with sexuality and sex, and some people might find it uncomfortable to read or it might trigger. Just want to let you know that I draw from my own experiences, I'm not trying to generalise, stereotype, humiliate or anything else, I just use this as a way to vent my frustrations and feelings so please don't be offended or anything. Any thoughts please let me know!**

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 **Chapter 2**

It was getting later and later, and people began to leave the party. Emily didn't though, she was staring at the campfire with a glass of wine in her hand. She was slightly tipsy and had been thinking about what had happened with Noah the entire time. On the one hand she really didn't want to stay in the cabin with him, on the other hand, she wanted to know how it would feel, so she would finally be sure about her sexuality. She had had sex with boys before but she didn't enjoy it at all, only with her boyfriend a few years ago it was okay. She thought maybe it was because the other times it was with guys she hardly knew, maybe she had to have a friendly relationship with them before she would have sex and then it would be all right. So maybe it would work with Noah? _I shouldn't do it._ She thought. _I'll regret it. I don't even like boys, or do I? God, why is this so confusing._ She was so deep in thought that didn't even notice she kept snapping the hair tie on her wrist. 'Em, stop doing that!' Noah's hand was around her wrist. 'Your wrist has gone all red' he sat down next to her. 'Oh... erm.. I wasn't even aware I was doing it' she said, looking away. 'What were you thinking about?' he asked, while releasing her wrist and putting his hand on her leg. 'Oh I don't know. Things' she said, giving him a weak smile. 'What kind of things?' Noah smirked, and gave her thigh a small squeeze. Emily shrugged her shoulders. _Shit, shit, shit, how do I get out of this?_ She felt her heart beating in her throat. She was so bad at saying no. 'Do you want to go for a walk?' Noah asked. 'Nah, not really, I like it here by the fire' she said. 'Go on Em, we were just about to go to bed', Lauren stood behind her. Emily looked around and with her eyes she tried to tell her cousin that she didn't want to go with Noah, but she obviously didn't get the message. 'We've been up since 6 this morning to prepare, it's 2 am now, so we're calling it a night. You guys can stay in the cabin if you want?' Lauren suggested. Before Emily could say anything Noah grabbed the keys that Lauren was dangling before their faces. 'Thanks Lauren, we will' he said, while grabbing Emily's hand. _Shit._

Hand in hand they walked towards the cabin through the dark garden. Noah opened the door and didn't waste a second. He started kissing her immediately. To her surprise it wasn't as bad as she had expected it to be. He wasn't as aggressive as boys she had kissed before. Not as good as kissing a girl though… _I can do this. It isn't that bad. Maybe this time it will be okay._ Just when she started to get into it he grabbed her hand. 'Let's go to the bedroom' he said, while breathing heavily. While they were walking towards the bedroom Emily started panicking again. _Why do I always get myself into this. Why can't I just say no? Damn it Em, you're so weak._ They entered the bedroom and he took off his shirt, and started tugging at hers as well. If she wanted this to stop, she should say so now. _Fuck it, I can't say no now. He'll hate me._ She helped him taking of her shirt. They fell down on the bed and he started to unhook her bra, but he was struggling. She tried to help him, but he stopped her. 'Let me do that' he said sweetly and gently kissed her shoulder. She was surprised; she never really experienced something like this. Normally boys would just want the bra to be gone as soon as possible. Noah approached it a bit differently. Once he got her bra off, he started to place soft kisses all over her upper body, slowly working down, loosening her belt and taking her trousers off. He slipped his fingers in her panties and started massaging her clit. Although she really wanted it to feel good, it didn't do anything for her. _What is wrong with me. When I do it myself I get more wet than this. Jesus Christ._ Nonetheless she pretended to like it. But when she got the chance she took over and started to give him a hand job. He had been hard ever since they started kissing and he was about to come, so after a short while he made Emily stop and got a condom out of the pocket of his trousers. He put the condom on and gently put Emily on her back. However, it didn't matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his penis inside Emily. Eventually his erection disappeared and he fell down next to Emily, sighing in frustration. 'Sorry Em, this happens to me sometimes' he said, while caressing her all over her body. 'It's okay' Emily said. She was relieved. She knew it wasn't because of him that it didn't work, it was because she didn't feel a thing. She didn't feel as much as a tingle down there.

After lying there for a while, cuddling and staring at the ceiling, Noah decided it was time to give it another try. They started kissing and Noah worked his way down again. He cupped her breasts and played with her nipples, but instead of fingering her, he now started licking her clit. Although Emily had liked this when she had a boyfriend - at least she thought she did, it was such a long time ago -, she now didn't feel anything. Except for embarrassment; she was so afraid he would look up and say she tasted disgusting. Luckily he didn't, instead he kept going for quite a while. He must have noticed that it did very little for Emily, because although she tried to fake it, her moaning became less and less convincing. After a while he stopped and they started kissing again. Emily was giving him a hand job as under no circumstances would she give him a blowjob. The thought only almost made her gag. After a while Noah grabbed another condom, but the same happened as before. After the second failed attempt at having sex, Noah soon fell asleep. _This is so awkward._ Emily really wanted to leave. It was 4 am and there was no way she would be able to sleep with Noah next to her after what happened. Although Noah took the blame, she knew it was her fault. Maybe the fact they were both tipsy played a role as well, but because Emily wasn't in the mood at all, he just couldn't get it in.

After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, she decided she wanted to leave. 'Noah?' she whispered, 'are you awake?'. 'What's up babe?' he asked with a groggy voice. 'I think I'm gonna leave' she said. 'What? Why? You can't leave, it's the middle of the night' he seemed to be more awake now. 'I can't sleep' this wasn't a lie, but not necessarily the only reason she wanted to leave. She just didn't want to go through all it again. 'You know it wasn't your fault, right? It happens to me more often. I know it's awkward, but it happens. I really like you Em', he put a strand of her hair behind her ear. She felt her courage slowly disappear. She didn't want to hurt him. 'But I really can't sleep' she tried again. 'Well it's your choice of course, but I'd really rather you'd stay' he said. She sighed; she knew she couldn't leave without feeling extremely guilty afterwards. 'Okay, I'll stay' she said. He kissed her neck, and when she turned away from him, he put his arm around her and started spooning her. _Great, now I won't be able to sleep at all._

Noah woke up around 8 am. Emily had had a sleepless night. Or rather a sleepless few hours. 'Good morning beautiful' Noah started kissing her. _Oh no, I probably have horrible morning breath._ Why did she have to feel so insecure all the time? Noah was obviously sober now and he still wanted her. And not just a little bit, but a lot. He was in a bigger hurry than he had been a few hours ago. After kissing for a few minutes he got on top of her and this time he managed to get his penis in Emily's vagina. Emily felt horrible. She was just lying there like a starfish. Faking her pleasure. 'Am I hurting you?' Noah asked, out of breath. 'No' she lied. At least he was considerate. That was the only good thing about this whole night, he had treated her with respect. Nonetheless she loathed him right now. _I hate this. I hate him. No. Fuck. I can't hate him, this is my fault. I didn't do anything to stop this from happening._ At no point she had said no, or stop. She felt so stupid about that. She really had to learn to stand up for herself. Luckily it didn't take Noah long to get to his climax. She didn't know where he got them from, but he handed her some tissues. 'Here, so you can clean yourself up' he said, and kissed her forehead. Then it hit her. _Shit! We didn't use a condom. How stupid can you be. Oh my god, Emily, you dickhead._


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, it's been a long time. I wanna get back into writing though. So here it is, short and sweet. Hopefully will post more chapters soon.**

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'What's on your mind, beautiful?' Ali asked while softly putting a strand of hair behind Emily's ear. Emily had been miles away. 'Oh, nothing' she flashed a quick smile and looked down at her phone. Aria and Spencer were bowed over a kitchen machine, trying to make a cocktail, while Hanna was sat on the kitchen block, eating popcorn. 'You haven't told us about your cousins barbecue party? You seemed quite upset when I saw you after that, yesterday' Alison was worried about her friend. She was even quieter than usual. 'Oh it was nothing special' Emily felt her cheeks going red. She knew that Alison would know that she was lying. 'So you weren't upset?' she asked sceptically. 'No, no I just had a bit of a hangover, too many mojitos, you know how I get' she tried to laugh it off. 'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Em, but I'll be here when you need me. It might make you feel better' Alison looked Emily straight in the eyes while she said this, then stood up and snatched the popcorn from Hanna who gave a loud whelp. Emily knew she was right. _How does that girl look right through me_? She stared at Alison who was now telling Aria and Spencer how to make the cocktails after had been trying for minutes to get the kitchen machine to crush ice. _I wish I was with her. No… no, I just want to be like her! Or do I?_ Emily was so confused. How could she tell Alison what happened with Noah, when she felt this way about her. They had shared a kiss ages ago, when they were still in high school. It made Emily feel all kind of things, whereas for Alison it didn't mean anything. At least, that's what Emily thought.

'How long for the cocktails to be ready?' Hanna asked in a whiney voice. 'Not long now Han, the professional took over' Alison grinned. 'Thank God, I _do_ need a drink' Hanna sighed dramatically. A few minutes later they all sat down at the table, sipping their frozen margaritas. 'All we're missing now is some delicious pasta from Leonardo's' Hanna said. 'It won't be long now, Han. God, didn't you just eat a tonne of popcorn?' Spencer asked. 'I can't help it Spence, I need food. I'm in love' she smirked. The other girls shook their head at their friends' antics. Once again Emily was miles away. This time, not only Alison had noticed it, Aria and Spencer had too. 'Not enjoying it, Em?' Aria asked. 'What?'. 'Your margarita?' 'Oh yeah it's great, thank you' she said, once again flashing a face smile. Spencer was about to ask Emily what was going on when the doorbell rang. 'Food!' Hanna exclaimed, she jumped up and ran to the front door. 'Oh my gosh, it smells amazing' she said when she put it down on the table. Fifteen minutes later everyone was thoroughly enjoying their dinner. Hanna had almost finished hers and was stealing food from everyone else's plate. Emily on the other hand had barely touched her food. She really tried to enjoy the evening, but her mind kept going back to that night two days ago. She felt gross, and she was worried because they hadn't used a condom. The other girls were happily chatting away. Aria, Spencer and Alison sometimes took a quick peek at their friend, and silently communicated to each other how worried they were. Hanna seemed not to notice that Emily wasn't being herself, until everyone but her had finished their food. 'Em, dude. Since when do you not like Leo's food?' she asked. 'What? I do, I'm just not very hungry is all' she said, and pushed her plate away. 'Okay enough, what's wrong Emily? You've been so absentminded all night. Please talk to us' Spencer pleaded with her. Emily looked up, surprised to see all four of her friends staring at her. Her eyes welled up with tears. 'Em?' Alison asked, while putting her hand on her thigh. That was it. Emily broke down and started crying. She had to tell her friends what happened…


End file.
